* were you here all along and i just kept overlooking you? perhaps, but know one thing: you dont know me as well as you think. you are not privy to my most private thoughts, ideas, and inspiration.
you think YOU'RE responsible, but who's writing this story? i told you i was writing it, but you wouldnt let me write. or am i confusing the details again?
doesnt matter. what's important is that i'm MUCH better now. you almost killed me, you know that. i came thisclose to ending it all, because i had no clue what else to do. and then, when things started to feel "the same" to me again, i said to myself okay, dude, maybe you're NOT crazy after all. so then, why did they want to know if you write a blog? you tell me, i'm still unable to "figure out" your silly game. i guess things will "reveal" themselves to me when the time is right. in the meantime, i wanted to congratulate myself for making some tough choices today.
* starting this week i will begin to brainstorm and develop characters for a series of stories. i have yet to decide on my exact topic, but i'm leaning heavily towards using a lot of metaphors and maybe making the lead character bi-polar in some way. i know, not much of a stretch for a writer with an illness to write about it, but who knows. maybe it'll be so good it'll sell like hotcakes. that's not really the point. i mean, it is and it isnt. i'm adjusting and creating and forming myself all at once. money helps in the process but not in the way you'd think. it's mostly to help me to survive and to get into places i would otherwise be unable to get into. money is wicked that way, and i dont mean it in the cool way the Easterners do.
so yeah, i have that working for me.
i also decided that i want to start writing material to hopefully do stand-up sometime soon. this might be impeded by the fact i will HOPEFULLY soon be working nights, but let me deal with that problem. this is a good problem to have, because i've typically had to deal with having too much time on my hands and not knowing how to use it productively.
i guess i will no longer have that problem. now i get to do the things i love to do the most, which is to write and talk. in other words, i love to express myself, but i want to find a way to get paid to do this every day. i want to make a life out of being creative, because i know that i can do it. this is my new dream/goal.
lastly, i'm OFFICIALLY starting up "Project: Back to Sexy". it's time and i need it. i need to kick my own ass in the gym to get into shape. i want to feel sexy again! it felt so good, i should've never let it go. but, the good thing is i'm determined to have a good body for once in my life. i had too much time and not enough energy, but now it will be that i'm busy and active.
anyway, i have to go to sleep now, i have an interview with the home depot at 6am to try and join the night crew. i'll keep you guys posted, ha ha ha...
edwin
you think YOU'RE responsible, but who's writing this story? i told you i was writing it, but you wouldnt let me write. or am i confusing the details again?
doesnt matter. what's important is that i'm MUCH better now. you almost killed me, you know that. i came thisclose to ending it all, because i had no clue what else to do. and then, when things started to feel "the same" to me again, i said to myself okay, dude, maybe you're NOT crazy after all. so then, why did they want to know if you write a blog? you tell me, i'm still unable to "figure out" your silly game. i guess things will "reveal" themselves to me when the time is right. in the meantime, i wanted to congratulate myself for making some tough choices today.
* starting this week i will begin to brainstorm and develop characters for a series of stories. i have yet to decide on my exact topic, but i'm leaning heavily towards using a lot of metaphors and maybe making the lead character bi-polar in some way. i know, not much of a stretch for a writer with an illness to write about it, but who knows. maybe it'll be so good it'll sell like hotcakes. that's not really the point. i mean, it is and it isnt. i'm adjusting and creating and forming myself all at once. money helps in the process but not in the way you'd think. it's mostly to help me to survive and to get into places i would otherwise be unable to get into. money is wicked that way, and i dont mean it in the cool way the Easterners do.
so yeah, i have that working for me.
i also decided that i want to start writing material to hopefully do stand-up sometime soon. this might be impeded by the fact i will HOPEFULLY soon be working nights, but let me deal with that problem. this is a good problem to have, because i've typically had to deal with having too much time on my hands and not knowing how to use it productively.
i guess i will no longer have that problem. now i get to do the things i love to do the most, which is to write and talk. in other words, i love to express myself, but i want to find a way to get paid to do this every day. i want to make a life out of being creative, because i know that i can do it. this is my new dream/goal.
lastly, i'm OFFICIALLY starting up "Project: Back to Sexy". it's time and i need it. i need to kick my own ass in the gym to get into shape. i want to feel sexy again! it felt so good, i should've never let it go. but, the good thing is i'm determined to have a good body for once in my life. i had too much time and not enough energy, but now it will be that i'm busy and active.
anyway, i have to go to sleep now, i have an interview with the home depot at 6am to try and join the night crew. i'll keep you guys posted, ha ha ha...
edwin
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