finally felt like writing again...

*so it's been a rough week, to say the least, but thankfully, I'll get through the next couple of days.

i fucked up my car's engine and have to pay $2500 to fix it. that's a hard lesson learned, but thankfully I'm not counting on my parents for much help. they were very happy to know that i had enough money saved, but now that means i won't have enough to pay for my trip to El Salvador in December.

looks like I'll be getting paid this holiday season, but i won't get no pussy til the 10th of February at the soonest. I've gone longer times without sex, and this is for a good cause, so I'll be alright.

*I'm feeling like writing a comedy set of 3-5 minutes to perform sometime. it's a dream of mine to do standup and before the bipolar bullshit, i was seriously considering working on a routine. then, all went to hell and it's only until now that i have begun to feel like performing again.

I'm very glad the desire came back, because people have been asking me about my comedy. sure, i want to be offensive, but not in the same way as before. I'm not fully all back yet, but I'm more calm now that I've learned to deal with my disorder. that's something I'm grateful for.

*watched alianza lose in the final minutes of the concacaf league on YouTube. broke my heart because it was the last play of the game and costly scored an amazing goal to beat us. i see now that there's good soccer being played everywhere, but the fans in Honduras should be ashamed for their behavior. the fireworks were uncalled for.

we can argue all day whether the game should have been suspended or not, but the truth is alianza failed on their defense and they didn't attack much in the 2nd half. they were basically praying for the game to end, instead of forcing the issue all the way through.

oh well, at least now we can focus on the regular season and hopefully reach the finals again.

*it's good to be wanted, but i know where my heart lays. i made the choice to remain faithful to my fiancé and nobody is going to make me break that rule.

I'm glad to have my fiance in my life and i plan on marrying her whenever that is possible. we've come a long way and there is nobody that is going to stand in the way of our happiness. my mom is a hater, but she knows I'm serious when i say that i will marry Flor. everybody else is just there to support me or stay out of my way.

*my homeboy, Jonah, is coming over soon and we're going to smoke weed and chill. he's bringing Penny's dog, Lily, and she's very good here in my space.

last time he came he brought me food, which was nice of him, since i don't always eat fresh. maybe it wasn't the healthiest, but it was good; he brought me jack in the box.

it means a lot to have friends in my life that help to make sure i don't stay in bed for too many days in a row. my dad called me today, too, and it almost motivated me to do my laundry. alas, i just fell asleep again.

then, Jonathan came over after the alianza game and we talked about different things. we barely smoked. i told him i haven't been smoking that much weed lately and he said he was doing the same.

i think I just need more edibles, because smoking weed isn't getting me that high anymore. i know when i get to El Salvador, I'll be dying for the weed they have there, but that's 6 months away. so, I've gotta figure out what to do until then.

*I've got a busy day planned tomorrow, so i don't plan on staying up all night, but we'll see how long Jonah stays...

writing again late night, what else is new?...

*today i begin to write for the first time in 4 years. at least that desire has returned, and i welcome it gladly. to create stories is fun, but to share my life is my exhibitionist showing himself off.

to catch you up, i was going through a rough time when i last wrote, but things were getting better on the relationship side.

i no longer desire a polyamorous relationship, instead I've chosen to remain monogamous with Flor, my fiance. she has stuck with me through the rough times, while I've turned into something of a catch.

*believe me when i tell you, i can't smoke as much weed as i used to, but I've got more now that ever before. that's the key, I'm not buying $5 bags from people on the street.

instead, I carry weight like I earned it, which i did. and now, my interests are more varied and thus more expensive, but i can afford them because I'm working for eaze now.

what's eaze, you ask? Google it, and make an order if you live in our area. San Francisco is the flagship market, if I'm not mistaken, but we're all over Cali.

*I'm doing much better mentally, for those that were curious. i no longer have manic episodes or panic attacks, and now I have my own apartment to call my own on section 8.

things are definitely much better than when last i wrote. i hope to build on that momentum in coming days in order to become better and happier for myself, my family, and my friends.

as usual, I'll try to share the stories that i feel are best suited to tell you what my experience is like and to entertain you to the best of my abilities. if i fail you, I'm sorry, ha ha ha.

*now I'm 34 and I'm ready to get married. i thought i was ready before, but i realize i was just rushing what was meant to be taken slowly. I've learned to love again and to be faithful and serious about my intentions to never hurt Flor in any way.

i also finally quit cigarettes, even though I'm 4 years behind schedule. haven't had one in 2 weeks, and i turned one down tonight, just to prove to myself that I'm serious. i hope i haven't done serious damage to my body from smoking for over 14 years, but I'll take the bad with the good as i did with the bipolar disorder.

*it's time to sleep, I've gotta​ be up at a reasonable hour to go to work. I'm just grateful that i have my own spot and that there are no longer time limits as to when people can come to visit me.

I'm also saving hundreds in parking tickets, too. i paid almost $3000 combined over the course of the time i lived at the 16th St hotel. I'm so glad i don't have to go there anymore, unless i care to visit ci ci in her room, which i don't. nothing against the hotel, but those were not my best times, unless you have a warped definition. sure, i had some good days there, but nothing to brag about.

oh yeah, sleep time...