|\...well, the first thing i want you to keep in mind is that i WANTED to be locked up, and i MADE the police come get me. that's all i'll say to preface the following, it's all that matters...
* i remember being in a holding cell first, before they would even consider putting me in with the other inmates. i remember them taking the hand cuffs off me and letting me disrupt their "module" as they referred to it. i was loud, obnoxious, rude, and even vulgar, to the point that eventually 5 deputies had to come and subdue me from the prolonged noise session i'd initiated.
i remember them being extremely aggressive whenever they decided to get physical with me. the twisted my arms hard to the point i felt like they might break them, but my signs of weakness were mostly for show, since it's never a "fair" fight when 5 deputies have to come restrain you in order to move you to the next holding cell. you have to keep one thing in mind as you read this: "they" wanted a production, and that's exactly what i gave "them".
from holding cell one i was moved across the hall to another holding cell where cuffs were put around my ankles and i couldnt move around freely as in the first cell. long story short, an inmate told me that the deputies were holding me as an example of a "certified crazy man" which in turn was scaring the rest of the inmates. the one who decided he was brave enough, which is to say unafraid of me, was given the opportunity to feed me, like it was a great honor. i gave him a dap (fist bump) to let him know i approved of his courage. i distinctly remember needing to pee and asking a female deputy and she pointed at the vented square hole a good 10 feet away from me, as she said "you can go there", which had to be a joke. so, without even thinking about it, i pulled my zipper down, aimed for the vented entry way and proceeded to spray piss in a large oval puddle. shortly thereafter, two male deputies came in and played "sherlock holmes" determining exactly what had happened, i had to fight back laughter. this led to them moving me to a third holding cell with a toilet and toilet paper.
having fully come to understand that the government was fucking with me, and having confirmation that it has been happening for a long time, i sat calmly in the third holding cell biding my time. i had spent most of my energy disrupting the previous two "modules" and now felt it was appropriate to wait until they determined my next move. this didnt take long. they walked me to the machine which took my finger prints and then had me sit on a bench before they placed a plastic bag in front of me and told me to place my personal effects into it. i did all of this with my feet and hopped into the closed room where i was directed to change into my inmates uniform. it was chicken yellow, if that makes any sense. i was later told by someone who'd done years of hard time that a yellow jumpsuit means you're government custody, or something to that effect. everyone was amazed by how fast i was moving and how i seemed to know what they wanted me to do before they finished telling me.
on we went to the actual prison where i was given my own room. i started with my usual routine of making noise and riling up everyone around me, before a deputy came and told me to stop the ruckus. eventually, after endless hours of minding my own, and of being in communion with the "spirits", i got the nerve to start the noise again, only this time the deputy wasnt so nice. i knew he wanted me to get down on the ground, so i threw my self willingly, only this time he placed his knee on top of my head and was extra forceful in putting the cuffs on my wrists, making my right ear cartilage piercing bleed in the process. i told him i was trying to cooperate and that he was in charge, all a ruse for the other inmates to see.
he moved me to a room that is clearly used for visitors, and explained to me that if i disrupted his "module" again, he would lock me up with the biggest motherfucker being held on charges of homicide. i nodded to demonstrate i understood, i knew better than to speak. my heart raced as i recalled the recent events and i knew i was a stronger man for having put my self through it. eventually, he returned and reiterated his rules and then he put me back in my cell. then i spent countless more hours with the "spirits" guiding me, telling me what to do and how to pass time. i rigged the fountain to run endlessly so i didnt feel "alone". at one point, the "spirits" told me to go on a rant, and i began to explain how i was a badass and began to recall the countless examples i have of when the government has been fucking with me. i didnt expect it when the guy next to me said "when you goin' be quiet; it's been 2 1/2 hours?" i asked him why he was keeping time and let it go. nothing to see here, folks.
i remember a female deputy coming to speak with me, with the head deputy beside her. i used my usual colorful language to tell her i didnt have shit to say to her, and the male deputy came back later and said "you dont disrespect my staff like that" as he pushed me up against the back wall of my cell to make his point clear. he then said "you will be very polite to the next person who walks into your cell" as i nodded. i stood up and watched a youngsta get locked up with me. i lay down in the bottom bunk and waited for him to jump on the top bunk. he was barely asleep for 15 minutes when he woke up and started asking me stupid questions. i cut him off and said "look, i'm not trying to fuck you", and he got riled up and then he jumped down and knocked on the door. the head deputy opened the door and the kid said "i cant stand him, i'm bout to knock him out". check and mate, my friends.
they let me out on easter sunday (i was detained early saturday morning 2:32am) and i walked up to the commissary machine and asked a fellow inmate to help me log in. we got it figured out and i placed a free order which never arrived. it was just fun to see what sorts of items were available to those who had to spend serious time locked up. i laughed as i watched the closeted faggots sag their pants or take of their shirts to expose their tats. as they were moving me from that "module" on to the next, the deputy had a laugh at the expense of one of the inmates who was trying to justify his "tramp stamp" as being an homage to his deceased brother. he said "that's a tramp stamp if i ever saw one" and i laughed with them.
they locked me up again in a holding cell alone. i had my blanket and my belongings and some good ol' toilet paper to take a shit. god, i must've shit a half-million times between jail and the psych ward, what the hell do they put in the food? but i digress. they gave me a bed-cushion and i threw it on the floor and curled up into it, with it laying over my head in the shape of a C. inmates came and went and in the background i kept hearing a female voice screaming "empire! empire! empire!", could she be secretly reading my mind? none of this mattered to me, because i knew that i'd committed no crime and that this was an illegal detention. you get used to it when you're a philosopher like me, you understand that you're "suffering" for the "greater good". i'm just a guinea pig in the grand scheme of things, and i dont mind relishing in my role, i'm quite good at it.
another day must've passed, who knows, but then they moved me into the female section and gave me my own cell once again. i couldnt help but feel aroused at the mere thought of being within 5 feet (literally) of some hottt jail pussy. i heard the voice of an angel, which sounded ridiculously like kreayshawn. i uttered out loud to my self "bring her to me" and within a short time frame i heard the heavy footsteps of deputies escorting an inmate to the cell next to me. she remained quiet for a long time, before i heard her say "he said i can get out today", and i knew she wasnt alone. i heard the voice of two women, but i didnt inquire with either the deputies or the other inmates, who were relegated to serving me.
it was right around 8am when i began to sing to my self, in order to pass the time, when i heard the inmates next to me start talking about how beautiful a voice i had. they asked for permission to give me a book about star wars (fanboy fodder), which i accepted, as i continued to "distill my essence" in the toilet. i rubbed one out as i imagined fucking the girl who sounded like kreayshawn in my cell. never did my hand leave the toilet as i distilled and distilled as a mad man would under such conditions. eventually, my distillation process came to an end and i flushed the toilet, but not before i came up with an essence to pure it had all the other inmates talking.
then they moved me back to the beginning of the module and i changed back into my clothes i wore on the way in (el salvador jersey, louis armstrong cotton shirt, and blue jeans, with black/green filas). i sat down in the room with the rest of the inmates waiting to be called to be let out. a black kid sat next to me after about 10 minutes, and then i heard him say "keek!" and i looked as someone who looked like keek the sneak turned around. i asked, "is that really him?" and he said "yeah, go ask him". i walked up to THE keek the sneak and shook his hand, telling him i was locked up for "hacking the internet" and he thanked me for all his support.
eventually, i got called with another youngsta who thanked me for going up to keek the sneak. the kid was pretty cool and he even gave me a ride to the BART station. keek the sneak was let out shortly after us and he asked to take a photo with me, which i happily obliged to do. it's usually the other way with celebrities, if ya-da-da-mean, ha ha ha.
i smoked a cigarette on the way to BART, and asked a cab driver if he accepted the blue one-way ticket they'd given us in jail. he claimed yellow cab accepted them, but there wasnt one waiting, so i hoofed it to the BART entrance. once on BART, the "spirits" told me to feign a heart attack, which i did, and then a volunteer EMT helped me as we waited for the guys on duty to show up. once they arrived, they let me know that i had nothing to worry about and they took me to the hospital in martinez...
i'll continue this entry at a later date, gotta keep y'all on the edge of your seats, ha ha ha...
edwin.../|
* i remember being in a holding cell first, before they would even consider putting me in with the other inmates. i remember them taking the hand cuffs off me and letting me disrupt their "module" as they referred to it. i was loud, obnoxious, rude, and even vulgar, to the point that eventually 5 deputies had to come and subdue me from the prolonged noise session i'd initiated.
i remember them being extremely aggressive whenever they decided to get physical with me. the twisted my arms hard to the point i felt like they might break them, but my signs of weakness were mostly for show, since it's never a "fair" fight when 5 deputies have to come restrain you in order to move you to the next holding cell. you have to keep one thing in mind as you read this: "they" wanted a production, and that's exactly what i gave "them".
from holding cell one i was moved across the hall to another holding cell where cuffs were put around my ankles and i couldnt move around freely as in the first cell. long story short, an inmate told me that the deputies were holding me as an example of a "certified crazy man" which in turn was scaring the rest of the inmates. the one who decided he was brave enough, which is to say unafraid of me, was given the opportunity to feed me, like it was a great honor. i gave him a dap (fist bump) to let him know i approved of his courage. i distinctly remember needing to pee and asking a female deputy and she pointed at the vented square hole a good 10 feet away from me, as she said "you can go there", which had to be a joke. so, without even thinking about it, i pulled my zipper down, aimed for the vented entry way and proceeded to spray piss in a large oval puddle. shortly thereafter, two male deputies came in and played "sherlock holmes" determining exactly what had happened, i had to fight back laughter. this led to them moving me to a third holding cell with a toilet and toilet paper.
having fully come to understand that the government was fucking with me, and having confirmation that it has been happening for a long time, i sat calmly in the third holding cell biding my time. i had spent most of my energy disrupting the previous two "modules" and now felt it was appropriate to wait until they determined my next move. this didnt take long. they walked me to the machine which took my finger prints and then had me sit on a bench before they placed a plastic bag in front of me and told me to place my personal effects into it. i did all of this with my feet and hopped into the closed room where i was directed to change into my inmates uniform. it was chicken yellow, if that makes any sense. i was later told by someone who'd done years of hard time that a yellow jumpsuit means you're government custody, or something to that effect. everyone was amazed by how fast i was moving and how i seemed to know what they wanted me to do before they finished telling me.
on we went to the actual prison where i was given my own room. i started with my usual routine of making noise and riling up everyone around me, before a deputy came and told me to stop the ruckus. eventually, after endless hours of minding my own, and of being in communion with the "spirits", i got the nerve to start the noise again, only this time the deputy wasnt so nice. i knew he wanted me to get down on the ground, so i threw my self willingly, only this time he placed his knee on top of my head and was extra forceful in putting the cuffs on my wrists, making my right ear cartilage piercing bleed in the process. i told him i was trying to cooperate and that he was in charge, all a ruse for the other inmates to see.
he moved me to a room that is clearly used for visitors, and explained to me that if i disrupted his "module" again, he would lock me up with the biggest motherfucker being held on charges of homicide. i nodded to demonstrate i understood, i knew better than to speak. my heart raced as i recalled the recent events and i knew i was a stronger man for having put my self through it. eventually, he returned and reiterated his rules and then he put me back in my cell. then i spent countless more hours with the "spirits" guiding me, telling me what to do and how to pass time. i rigged the fountain to run endlessly so i didnt feel "alone". at one point, the "spirits" told me to go on a rant, and i began to explain how i was a badass and began to recall the countless examples i have of when the government has been fucking with me. i didnt expect it when the guy next to me said "when you goin' be quiet; it's been 2 1/2 hours?" i asked him why he was keeping time and let it go. nothing to see here, folks.
i remember a female deputy coming to speak with me, with the head deputy beside her. i used my usual colorful language to tell her i didnt have shit to say to her, and the male deputy came back later and said "you dont disrespect my staff like that" as he pushed me up against the back wall of my cell to make his point clear. he then said "you will be very polite to the next person who walks into your cell" as i nodded. i stood up and watched a youngsta get locked up with me. i lay down in the bottom bunk and waited for him to jump on the top bunk. he was barely asleep for 15 minutes when he woke up and started asking me stupid questions. i cut him off and said "look, i'm not trying to fuck you", and he got riled up and then he jumped down and knocked on the door. the head deputy opened the door and the kid said "i cant stand him, i'm bout to knock him out". check and mate, my friends.
they let me out on easter sunday (i was detained early saturday morning 2:32am) and i walked up to the commissary machine and asked a fellow inmate to help me log in. we got it figured out and i placed a free order which never arrived. it was just fun to see what sorts of items were available to those who had to spend serious time locked up. i laughed as i watched the closeted faggots sag their pants or take of their shirts to expose their tats. as they were moving me from that "module" on to the next, the deputy had a laugh at the expense of one of the inmates who was trying to justify his "tramp stamp" as being an homage to his deceased brother. he said "that's a tramp stamp if i ever saw one" and i laughed with them.
they locked me up again in a holding cell alone. i had my blanket and my belongings and some good ol' toilet paper to take a shit. god, i must've shit a half-million times between jail and the psych ward, what the hell do they put in the food? but i digress. they gave me a bed-cushion and i threw it on the floor and curled up into it, with it laying over my head in the shape of a C. inmates came and went and in the background i kept hearing a female voice screaming "empire! empire! empire!", could she be secretly reading my mind? none of this mattered to me, because i knew that i'd committed no crime and that this was an illegal detention. you get used to it when you're a philosopher like me, you understand that you're "suffering" for the "greater good". i'm just a guinea pig in the grand scheme of things, and i dont mind relishing in my role, i'm quite good at it.
another day must've passed, who knows, but then they moved me into the female section and gave me my own cell once again. i couldnt help but feel aroused at the mere thought of being within 5 feet (literally) of some hottt jail pussy. i heard the voice of an angel, which sounded ridiculously like kreayshawn. i uttered out loud to my self "bring her to me" and within a short time frame i heard the heavy footsteps of deputies escorting an inmate to the cell next to me. she remained quiet for a long time, before i heard her say "he said i can get out today", and i knew she wasnt alone. i heard the voice of two women, but i didnt inquire with either the deputies or the other inmates, who were relegated to serving me.
it was right around 8am when i began to sing to my self, in order to pass the time, when i heard the inmates next to me start talking about how beautiful a voice i had. they asked for permission to give me a book about star wars (fanboy fodder), which i accepted, as i continued to "distill my essence" in the toilet. i rubbed one out as i imagined fucking the girl who sounded like kreayshawn in my cell. never did my hand leave the toilet as i distilled and distilled as a mad man would under such conditions. eventually, my distillation process came to an end and i flushed the toilet, but not before i came up with an essence to pure it had all the other inmates talking.
then they moved me back to the beginning of the module and i changed back into my clothes i wore on the way in (el salvador jersey, louis armstrong cotton shirt, and blue jeans, with black/green filas). i sat down in the room with the rest of the inmates waiting to be called to be let out. a black kid sat next to me after about 10 minutes, and then i heard him say "keek!" and i looked as someone who looked like keek the sneak turned around. i asked, "is that really him?" and he said "yeah, go ask him". i walked up to THE keek the sneak and shook his hand, telling him i was locked up for "hacking the internet" and he thanked me for all his support.
eventually, i got called with another youngsta who thanked me for going up to keek the sneak. the kid was pretty cool and he even gave me a ride to the BART station. keek the sneak was let out shortly after us and he asked to take a photo with me, which i happily obliged to do. it's usually the other way with celebrities, if ya-da-da-mean, ha ha ha.
i smoked a cigarette on the way to BART, and asked a cab driver if he accepted the blue one-way ticket they'd given us in jail. he claimed yellow cab accepted them, but there wasnt one waiting, so i hoofed it to the BART entrance. once on BART, the "spirits" told me to feign a heart attack, which i did, and then a volunteer EMT helped me as we waited for the guys on duty to show up. once they arrived, they let me know that i had nothing to worry about and they took me to the hospital in martinez...
i'll continue this entry at a later date, gotta keep y'all on the edge of your seats, ha ha ha...
edwin.../|
