i'm the realest nigga...

* as mentioned before in this space, i have been to "the edge" and i have flown over it; free fallen through a black hole in order to splatter in reality only to rebound from it all. in other words, i'm relishing the role of "lunatic" that i've taken up as my own. i read the wikipedia article relating to it and the latest theory applies to how the moon affects people with bipolar disorder. (for the uninitiated, i have bipolar, deal with it.) they claim that it makes us crazier, to sum it up. of course, i laughed, because it only further proves that science cannot explain the human condition.

* i had an experience tonight which served to really piss me off. i went off inside of my friend's prius (nice dichotomy) on a rant that fully explained to me that i need to step up for my self next week when i see my psychiatrist. i'm going to tell her that i know my legal rights and will ask to be permanently removed from having to take prescription drugs. i'm of sound mind and body to make this decision, and it i've spent a lot of time thinking about it. i've done everything i can to prove to my self that while the medication helps, my preferred medicine is marijuana. granted, i'm now proving that i can live without it, but this is a matter of preference, read the previous sentence again. i will no longer submit to being a lab rat in their pharmaceutical experiment. i refuse to submit to their rules. from now on, I am in control of my life.

* spent a GREAT day thursday with my nigga justin. he helped me to feel "normal" for an entire day. picked me up from my brother's house and we drove into the city and had lunch at park chow near golden gate park. it was delicious as i had a lamb burger with mint on it. words cant put it into perspective. we kept up our great conversation about my life the past couple of years throughout the day and he helped me to see a lot of things i had managed to overlook.

in short, it pays to have friends like him. with him, he gets me without explanation. that's something i can say about VERY few people. i'm constantly having to dumb down or adapt to an audience which isnt on my level. i'm not afraid to admit that i look down on people for refusing to challenge themselves intellectually. we have no excuse for being "stupid". and this is coming from someone who mostly watches sports on tv. i research a lot of things, but i'm not "smart" in a conventional sense. i've learned to reduce everything (reductionist theory) to it's root in order to see the forest through the trees. for this i have become labeled as having bipolar. science will never be able to fully prove the complicated nature of the "human condition".

i'm looking forward to making it a more routine thing to hang out with justin, because hanging out with him i came up with a ten-year plan for how i will become the first latino mayor in san francisco. it's going to be a challenge, but i have nothing else better to do. i think social networking will have advanced to the point that politicians will learn to fear the common person. thank you, mr zuckerberg for bringing the "playground" to the masses. now we get to REALLY see who is the coolest kid on the block. i'll let everybody do their rounds before they decide that when they met me was the realest experience they ever had. i'm like the hardest pokemon to capture, ha ha ha.

* i really should be trying to go to sleep after the admittedly shitty night i had arguing with my cousin yuri. he was an asshole who hijacked my night in and then he had the nerve to "kick me out" of his house. he was being drunk and an even bigger asshole. needless to say, i will NOT be showing up to his barbecue tomorrow. i'm going to go to my mom's house tomorrow and just relax and use the internet for a little while. i dont exactly feel "at home" there anymore, but maybe that's for the better.

  the place was never my home and i was a fool for pretending that it ever was. the truth is, i have no home. home is where my heart is and my heart is in san francisco. i want my own spot in the city to call my own, no matter how long it takes me. i want it to be centrally located so that i can stumble home on the nights when i dont feel like driving. i deserve to have the life i can imagine, and i dont care what i need to do to earn it.

  i believe that stand-up comedy will help me lead that life, but i've got to organize my shit enough to be able to do it. i've got to quit being afraid and start doing stand-up at all open-mics. learn to live the dream within the dream. if i so believe that i am the realest nigga on the block, it's about time i went out and proved it. i think i can learn the rules fast enough to find the way to beat them at their own game. people are constantly entering and making progress in the entertainment industry, why not me? i've got a unique story to offer that would sell papers AND magazines. i could have a one hour special with oprah that would help her enter the latino market. why am i not thinking on better terms? ugh, being a genius comes with certain consequences, but i'm willing to see  this through. i was born to be in front of the camera, because i'm constantly entertaining.

* time for sleep. i suffer from delusions of grandeur, but that's what they tell you until you go out and prove you were right all along. your vision must be strong enough to repel ALL doubters, otherwise known as haters, ha ha ha.

  ah, yes, life will be so much better when i'm reading these blogs back in my space in san francisco. i believe i will have all the money i will ever need to be happy, and it wont take much...

edwin

they ACTUALLY care *shocked face*...

* if i've learned one thing these past couple of days is that i was "wrong" about my mother: she loves me more than i'll EVER understand. this is why i say that she is the only woman who makes me fall in love with her EVERY time i talk to her. the best part is she doesnt believe me when i tell her this. so is the complicated feeling called "love".

* spent 8 days locked up again (a great way to spend the 4th of july) and then spent 8 more days in a half-way house. what have you done lately?

  the looney bin was fun because i met some cool people there and earned a feeling of validation, like, maybe before i die i will be able to be the face of a new revolution. mentall illness, we're coming for ya, come out with your hands up. these head-peepers think they have ME figured out? shit, if i didnt know better, i'd think they were trying to start a fight with me. with the help of my family, i WILL beat the system, or die trying. wait, my personal philosophy is that we're all already dead and we exist in god's "mind" as zombies. ha ha ha, i am not bullshitting you right now. that's the latest theory i came up with in order to prove the existence of god. you have to admit that it's pretty fucking clever. if you dont, you're a hater.

* the two people who know me the best are helping me right now to stand on my own two feet. believe me: it sucks when life knocks you down, and it's worse when you're down and you dont even realize it. folks, i think it's safe to say i've reached rock bottom. from here we can only go up, which means the law of averages has some nice surprises in store for me. i cant believe i feel this excited about my life after the hell i was put through the past 16 days. in less than a week my family earned my respect again. we might actually have a chance to get the proverbial band back together, ha ha ha, but getting that final member to join again WILL prove to be my ultimate challenge.

  fuck the fact that i'm hopelessly madly in love with a girl who lives in another country. women have always proven to be the easiest to manipulate in this "game" i'm playing. and quite frankly, i think i should focus my efforts more on bitch number 2 (scarlett johansson) than on bitch number 1 (nadiya kravetz). either way, i'm bound to meet the realest bitch at some point in my life when i'm FINALLY doing god's work, which is to grow medicine (read: medical cannabis). that's it, people, i'm a VERY simple man. i dont want for needs; i desire little and am satisfied with it. everything i need in life is either free or a question away from being given to me. it's why my brother, rafael, nicknamed me "free", and it's why people love me everywhere i go.

  i'm the proverbial glue, if you will. i'm the one you call when you need help "fording" the proverbial river. believe me, you want me on your side, i help people get through life without killing them selves. i have the mental scars to prove my mettle and the niggas in the street all respect me for being a real nigga.

* if you're offended by my use of the word nigga, let me help you to catch up: SLAVERY IS OVER!!! thus, people have done a good job of taking back the word and now all the kids on the street call each other nigga. so, to my nigga's out there, stay real and dont let these perpetrators try to tell you you're racist. THEY'RE racist because they are brainwashed to speak bullshit they read in the papers. it's why nobody watches that shit; it's a waste of time. if you really want to know what's going on, talk to your neighbors. there was a time when the word community meant something and people were proud to represent their block.

* if you're offended by my use of the word bitch, fuck you. i WILL call any woman i desire a bitch to her face because the word holds a special meaning to me. you see, women play this stupid game where they call us men dogs. so, if you're logical, you WILL understand that the female who has puppies is called a bitch, ergo if you wanna be my "girl" you GOTTA let me call you my bitch, otherwise you're proving you're not worthy enough to have my children.

  believe me, you WANT to have my babies, they'll be the most talked about because i come from a very small latin american country whose primary exports were small children during the civil war in the 80's. yeah, the great ol' united states of AMERICA had to issue an apology for perpetrating the war and funding the contras who killed untold thousands to silence the movement. as you can guess, the rebels won, but they managed to get us hooked to their american dollars and now people make $5 a day at best. in other words: my mother country is STILL fucked up. thanks a lot USA, i still got love for you.

* i have this idea for a website where we'll sell TRULY offensive t-shirts but i dont know how to get it off the ground. if you're reading this and can help, please contact me via facebook. enter my email: coreas.edwin@gmail.com or search edwin antonio coreas to find me. it's the best way to contact me. i dont have a cell phone and refuse to provide personal info to someone who needs to be pre-qualified for such privileged info.

* it's late/early and i gotta jet soon; thanks for reading!!!

edwin