|\...i just wanted to share with everyone that i am now OFFICIALLY retired, according to the federal government of the united states. i will be receiving my benefits and will continue to receive assistance to manage my condition of bipolar. i am VERY excited that this is all over and that i no longer have to worry about the case, but i still have some prevailing questions with specific regards to things that happened to me during the past three years. i have come to accept, however, that i might never receive an explanation for said things and i am perfectly find with this, as long as the system continues to take care of me as it is designed to do.
all i can say is "whew" and wipe the sweat off my brow. i had the support of my close family present on friday, and my mom even broke into tears once the decision was made final. it is strange to report that a freaky sense of calm entered my body as we entered the room, as if the "voices" wanted me to know that everything was gonna be alright.
* i wont discuss any money figures publicly, but i will say that i will have enough to survive when both the state and the federal money starts rolling in, and i'll be able to FINALLY visit my beloved motherland of el salvador once my case manager and i decide what is best for me. there is talk of me entering a 90-day residential treatment program, which would be great for me to stack my paper, as they say on the streets, as well as to continue making improvements with my recovery of having bipolar.
i have plans to write short stories as memoirs about some of the things i endured while in a "manic" state, so stay tuned for that, but in the meantime, i'm just going to enjoy having a little cash in my pocket. i've been broke for so long, i've gotten used to it, and this has helped to humble me to TRULY appreciate everything my family has done for me. i wouldnt be the same man without them and i owe them a HUGE debt of gratitude. i know that with time we will all come back together stronger than ever before, but my step-father still needs time to get through what he is going through. he's having a hard time and i want to give him his time and space to heal. i have confidence that we can build a friendship in due time.
* since i've been med-compliant for the past 3 months, i feel the difference from not being med-compliant. i feel more relaxed, but my anxiety remains consistent, regardless of whether i take my meds. it's the small ways i measure my mental illness that will help me to learn to live with it in the long-run, and i am determined to "beat" it.
i'm not going to lie: feeling manic is AMAZING, but it's not healthy and it doesnt usually lead me anywhere, except into the hospital for days at a time where i'm forced to do what i should normally be doing on my own, which is to take care of my self. there is no reason for me to suffer through any of this if i simply follow my doctors' orders.
and since soon i'll have residency in my beloved san francisco, i'll get to join the healthcare system run by the city called "healthy san francisco". i'll even have medi-Cal AND medi-Care as back-ups. this is all exciting because i'm not used to having health care, ha ha ha, and now i'll have triple-coverage, but i dont plan on ever going back to a hospital unless it's for a check-up or to do volunteer work on behalf of the americans with disabilities act (ADA). i want to see if i can join their ranks to work within a non-profit to raise awareness of the mental illnesses that a lot of us face alone. i want to give something back to the community now that i'm being taken care of. oh, i am such a bleeding heart kind of guy, it's going to kill me some day.
* anyway, i just wanted to share the good news and i hope everyone reading this is well, even though none of you leave comments or send me messages, ha ha ha, i appreciate your following my blog. i'll try and write more often...
edwin the penguin.../|
all i can say is "whew" and wipe the sweat off my brow. i had the support of my close family present on friday, and my mom even broke into tears once the decision was made final. it is strange to report that a freaky sense of calm entered my body as we entered the room, as if the "voices" wanted me to know that everything was gonna be alright.
* i wont discuss any money figures publicly, but i will say that i will have enough to survive when both the state and the federal money starts rolling in, and i'll be able to FINALLY visit my beloved motherland of el salvador once my case manager and i decide what is best for me. there is talk of me entering a 90-day residential treatment program, which would be great for me to stack my paper, as they say on the streets, as well as to continue making improvements with my recovery of having bipolar.
i have plans to write short stories as memoirs about some of the things i endured while in a "manic" state, so stay tuned for that, but in the meantime, i'm just going to enjoy having a little cash in my pocket. i've been broke for so long, i've gotten used to it, and this has helped to humble me to TRULY appreciate everything my family has done for me. i wouldnt be the same man without them and i owe them a HUGE debt of gratitude. i know that with time we will all come back together stronger than ever before, but my step-father still needs time to get through what he is going through. he's having a hard time and i want to give him his time and space to heal. i have confidence that we can build a friendship in due time.
* since i've been med-compliant for the past 3 months, i feel the difference from not being med-compliant. i feel more relaxed, but my anxiety remains consistent, regardless of whether i take my meds. it's the small ways i measure my mental illness that will help me to learn to live with it in the long-run, and i am determined to "beat" it.
i'm not going to lie: feeling manic is AMAZING, but it's not healthy and it doesnt usually lead me anywhere, except into the hospital for days at a time where i'm forced to do what i should normally be doing on my own, which is to take care of my self. there is no reason for me to suffer through any of this if i simply follow my doctors' orders.
and since soon i'll have residency in my beloved san francisco, i'll get to join the healthcare system run by the city called "healthy san francisco". i'll even have medi-Cal AND medi-Care as back-ups. this is all exciting because i'm not used to having health care, ha ha ha, and now i'll have triple-coverage, but i dont plan on ever going back to a hospital unless it's for a check-up or to do volunteer work on behalf of the americans with disabilities act (ADA). i want to see if i can join their ranks to work within a non-profit to raise awareness of the mental illnesses that a lot of us face alone. i want to give something back to the community now that i'm being taken care of. oh, i am such a bleeding heart kind of guy, it's going to kill me some day.
* anyway, i just wanted to share the good news and i hope everyone reading this is well, even though none of you leave comments or send me messages, ha ha ha, i appreciate your following my blog. i'll try and write more often...
edwin the penguin.../|
