Monday, July 30, 2018

an ambitious first attempt at writing comedy...

* it's now July 30, 2018 11:07pm, and I'm going to try to write some jokes, as i listen to Drake's album "if you're reading this, it's too late".

I'll admit, I'm kind of distracted, but that's kind of the point of the music, you know, to get me to focus, like, on the jokes, ya dig?

* I'll just share some updates and make funny comments regarding my current situation.

i realize, I've sold enough weed to break even, ha ha ha, but not from my lifetime of smoking, just from what i invested initially.

my friend, Fe, copped a half zip today, and we met in our usual spot in front of City Hall, here in my beloved San Francisco. she's a sexy lady, but my intentions with her are strictly platonic, and i think that's a mutual sentiment, only, I'm not trying to find out, either way. we're both sexy enough that we embrace the loving/friendly embraces as old friends, and nothing more.

i never thought I'd get to this point in life, where I wasn't so horny to not flirt with an attractive girl. i think it's the erectile dysfunction kicking in and gripping my balls, quite literally, too. i don't jerk off like i used to, and I'm only about to be 35, which is the right age for ED to become a reality in my life. far be it from me to be proactive about the situation, it's not like I'm fucking my fiance on a consistent basis. this sucks!!! i think I'll mention it to my doctor when i see her on Friday.

* fuck the Giants, they're a shit show in the 2nd half, again. how did i not see this coming? add to that the fact that I'm essentially going to miss the playoffs in fantasy baseball, and that's enough reason for me to start doing fantasy football mock drafts. my birfday is in 25 hours, and i think I'll spend some of my cake day working on my draft strategy. I'm seriously trying to make money in fantasy football this year. the big dog's gotta eat!!!

* i realized, it's been almost 5 years since i was last in a looney bin, that's real progress.

and I'm still able to smoke as much weed as I desire, too!!! this isn't a joke, i give away weed to close friends and family. did y'all ever think that would ever come to pass? clearly, I'm making progress. even though my apartment is messy, it's not uninhabitable. I'm enjoying other drugs, too, and I'm finally able to enjoy my time alone within my sweet spot.

for example: i was supposed to do some shrooms tonight, but i decided I'd wait until tomorrow night. it's not like i don't have enough, it's just that it's kinda late and I'm kinda tired. my co-worker gave me around 9 grams, split unevenly into 2 bags, and i was kinda hoping to grind up a gram and then letting it soak in orange juice before drinking it, but, again, it's late, and yes, i actually have to be up at a decent hour tomorrow morning.

needless to say, tomorrow it's on like Donkey Kong!!!

* i just remembered the conversation i had with Fe about how when you're young, you give up pussy, for various reasons, but when you're older, you turn it down. like, if another girl flirts with me, I'm going to claim to be harassed, on my Mama!!!

ha ha ha, y'all know I'm just playing, issa joke!!!

but, yeah, that's true for me, I'm turning down pussy now, and I'm not even a real celebrity, I'm only famous in my mind. the truth is, the ED is real in my balls and penis. I'm going to get help, i promise, because i need at least 11 babies to make a national soccer team that'll qualify for the world cup in 20 years, like Croatia and France had this year. no, I'm serious, I'm going to talk to Flor and tell her this is my life's new purpose, ha ha ha.

*it's now 11:26pm and i think this post is long enough to publish and then share on social media. let's see how the newbs like the new content compared to the older content, ha ha ha...