naturally wired at 6am on a saturday...

* people, i dont play when i say something: it's beginning to happen all over again.

as i've been discussing for the past couple of posts, "something" is beginning to happen again. that something is currently up for debate, but suffice it to say that i'm going with the "i'm crazy" slogan this time around, embracing our already wonderful diagnosis of bi-polar so that a certain reality check isnt needed afterwards. i've been preparing myself for this for the past couple of months.

* for some reason "bury me a g" by tupac has been stuck in my head for a while.

hook: i aint got time for bitches/gotta keep my mind on my mothafuckin' riches/even when i die/they wont worry me/momma dont cry/bury me a g

  now, to be clear, i do alright as a "G", but not in the literal sense. i'm not a gangster who is out there slanging and hustling. no, i do much better as a figurative "G". i'm the kid who gets along with everyone, "G's" included, so it is only natural that some "G" tendencies should rub off on me, ha ha ha.

  or in other words, "i'm not a player, i just i fuck a lot!" (thank you, Big Pun). not really, though. i'm just fucking around saying shit, and i'm bound to get my self into trouble again for being loose at the lips. the best part for me, though, is that it is what everyone thinks about me. people think i'm a player. always have, and probably always will. i think it's because i possess a devilish smile and sarcastic enough wit to leave people guessing about my intentions, even though they're usually well-to-do. i always tell everyone "if i was getting laid as often as you think i am, i wouldnt have to talk to women." sure, it doesnt exactly measure up as a statement, but it's saying something.

* we're slowly creeping towards 7am and i think i might finally be able to go back to bed. i dont feel as wired as i did an hour ago, but the true test will be when i finally put my head down. i can feel my eyes burning for more sleep, but the internal being which is my "self" is refusing to submit quietly to my demands. it's like he's a goddamn tweeker stuck on some roof who is oblivious to the fact that everyone is wondering if he's going to jump when all he's really doing is admiring the view from the top. silly how that works, right? one morning you wake up at the bottom looking up, but when you wake up looking down from the top everyone thinks you're suicidal. that's not the case with me. i've accepted that i'm crazy for all of my life, it's just taken me this long to begin to understand all of lifes greater mysteries.

  or as i said yesterday: you can't fix crazy.

* alright, i think i'm going to attempt to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. i dont want to sleep until 10am, like i normally do, but it is imporant that i get another couple of hours. i'll cherish mornings like this until they become the norm, and then i'll cherish whatever other small changes life has in-store for me. dont get me wrong, the "mystery" i've been working on all year long will reveal itself to me, i just have to be patient. it's something i've been receiving from the "spirits". i believe they want me to remain calm, so i will remain calm. there's no point in aggravating my self if i believe i know how everything is going to end.

 i can feel the sleep monster creeping further into me and it's demanding more of my attention. soon, i wont even be able to write anymore, but before that happens, let's sign off and crawl back into bed.

  oooooo! i got it! i think...oh, nevermind, i'm too sleepy to keep writing...

edwin