"revenge is like the sweetest joy, next to getting pussy..." -- tupac from "hail mary"
* an instant classic of opening lines, if ever such a thing existed. it's kind of like you cant say the first part without someone finishing the second part of it. at least, that's how i feel about it.
havent been able to take my mind off of the concept of time again, which is good, because these are the sorts of thoughts i need to focus on, if i am to make a full recovery. i'm a rambler, but that doesnt necessarily mean i'm crazy. i'm crazy because the doctors say i'm crazy, but it doesn mean it is where things end, either. before things went super bananas, before i ended up in the hospital, i remember a certain sensation of bliss with the environment, almost like enlightenment would feel like, if you can imagine such a concept. this feeling is slowly beginning to return and i'm feeling much better because of this. it's what i've been waiting for and i told my self i would do a better job of remembering the sensations as they progressed, and that i would follow my footsteps more closely this time to avoid future hospitalizations.
* lately, the idea of what life must've been like before the internet took over everything has not been able to leave my mind. i cant shake it. did people really used to do EVERYTHING they used to do? are contemporary people, by similar standards, lazier than ever? as a philosopher, i am in charge of answering lifes bigger questions, and i have to conclude that i believe people are no more lazier now than at any other time in history. if anything, life is a little more difficult because of the perceived easiness of contemporary life. with the prevalence of computers, and the assumption that every child now has access to one, people are beginning to place higher demands and expectations on our children, while existing members of society try and keep up with the strenuous pace which industry and technology have forced us to live by. perhaps things have always been competitive and cutthroat, but i have a hard time imagining to what degree they are now more or less competitive and cutthroat.
for example, i can imagine that back when people were primarily supposed to rely on their voices, people would make more concerted efforts to be heard and to listen to others. now, it seems that everyone is so involved with their cell phone it is almost impossible to flag down a stranger in the street, or to have a meaningful conversation with said stranger in a bar. again, the internet can be cited as a reason for all of this, but this isnt an attempt to criminalize the internet. i'm simply pointing out how times have changed in such a short period.
i would imagine that conversations in the past typically revolved around most of the same topics as today, but it is the flair which used to be exhibited in public to which i am referring. before, one had to find ways to be seen or heard in public without disrupting everyone else's space. now, it would seem that people would rather avoid being noticed for fear of the awkwardness which invariably arrives. i ask my self, "why do things have to be this way?" concurrently, i ask myself, "how did things used to be?"
* and thus, we discover my interest in time. when your mind is used to racing a million miles a second you really begin to miss it when the feeling disappears. the primary thing i was working on, before the debacle which was the first half of the year, was to examine the concept of time from the most abstract principles possible. of course, being a student and suffering from an overabundance of time, and feeling mostly that classes were easy enough for me to continue to focus on my work, i moved forward with my proposed experiment without fully considering the consequences.
looking back at everything, that was my first mistake. i should've been more careful. i should've tested variables better, instead of allowing them to overwhelm me as i fell deeper into my own spell. it was only natural, then, that everything should end up so fucked up. how could all of this have managed to work itself out if i had never taken the time to consider the goddamn consequences? this is, of course, a rhetorical question. ha ha ha. i guess the point i'm trying to make is simply that...
...well, i guess, with me, there really is no point. time is a relative concept, because it is relative to everyone, but at the same time it is on-going...
* and then it hit me: i was exhausted. keeping strange hours lately is beginning to affect me. this is the second day in a row where i woke up really early to write. maybe it can be my new habit, but i'd rather it not. or rather, i would prefer it to be a little more rewarding, but i guess i'll have to remain patient *wink*. i woke up around 6am earlier today, but it is now five to seven and i think i'd like to catch some more sleep before i officially wake up.
*yawns*
yes, my friends, it is certainly time for more sleep...
edwin
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