things change in 2 months...

* the other day i weighed myself and was thoroughly disappointed by what i saw. i'm officially 210lbs, and that's not sitting well with me.

  i had been weighed when i was in the hospital the second time (if you dont know what i'm referring to, please refer to the bevy of blogs discussing my mental health diagnosis of bi-polar) and the results were much more pleasant then, i was 176. Somehow throughout the course of my nearly 2 week stay in said hospital i managed to put on 20lbs, so i ended up weighing 195 when i was released. then, throughout the course of the year i managed to put on an additional 15lbs to get to my current disgusting weight.

  well, at least i'm wearing my additional weight well, and i am exercising more, so the hope is that i'll manage to lose some of my extra weight before the start of the spring semester. not that i'm rushing, or anything. it's just disappointing to look at myself in the mirror right now, but that's something i'm obviously working on. i figure it should serve as motivation to better myself. really, anything is motivation right now. the fact that i'm broke and without a job is motivating me to obtain employment somewhere. the fact that i have dreams of becoming an in-door farmer is motivating me to get that damned job, too. and the fact that i know i deserve to enjoy myself the way i like enjoying my time is motivating me, too. we'll see in the next couple of weeks how things turn out.

* mentally speaking...i'm doing fine. i'm still confused about some of the things i've lived through this year, but i've come to realize that i've got to move on. like, seriously move on past all of it. i dont have time to waste pondering what happened to me. that's time better served trying to improve upon my current situation, which is in and of itself pretty depressing.

  then again, i dont mean to sound rude, but not every 27 year old enjoys living under their parents roof. especially not one with the style and interests that i possess. if anything, my style is being cramped, but that's my own fault, ha ha ha, and i can at least laugh about all of this now. it wasnt so easy to laugh from may to september, but these past couple of weeks i've managed to find some of my old self to make me smile.

  some things are coming back to me slowly, but i dont think i'll ever be the same again. it's hard to explain but there was a certain joie-de-vivre which i feel i lost as a direct result of my extended stays in the hospital. that is to say nothing about my run-ins with the law and how strange they've been. suffice it to say that i'm not exactly public enemy number one with the SFPD, in fact, i think on some level i may have reached a certain status with them. how else to explain the way they were treating me earlier this year? oh wait, none of you know to what i am referring. ha ha ha, no worries...

* sigh. it's time for bed. i managed to stay up until damn near 3am without thinking about it. cant say that i'm upset, since i'm the moron who took a 2hr nap during the middle of the day. this serves me just right. at least tomorrow i can look forward to receiving my grade for the test i took last monday. i have a sneaky suspicion i may have aced it, but we'll find out soon enough.

  in the meantime...well, just stay out of trouble, ha ha ha. i know how hard it can be to avoid sometimes...