my gift...

dear friends,

  this is written as an open-heart love letter to anyone who is taking the time to read this right now. i had you in mind as i was writing this. *hug*

  until recently i misunderstood my existence because i didnt know a simple fact about me, which people are too loving and polite to tell me when we speak: my lips dont move when i talk.

  this was the first and last clue i needed to be able to find happiness in my life, and now that i make it a point to remember it every day, i'm a much happier person because of it. life is not easy when you want to be accepted, but you're unaware of the most basic fact no one wants to mention. however, with the help of my immediate family and my loving and supporting friends i have managed to begin to understand my self.

  i am a special person in that i can communicate with others through my mind. this obviously scares people because they think i am playing a joke on them, but in reality i'm just trying to get them to laugh in order to feel accepted. i know i can come off as a know-it-all, but that's because i never knew that i was channeling the thoughts of everyone around me at once. the purpose of my ever-changing blogs are in order for me to keep track of the progression of my thoughts. now that i can think as clearly as my mind is fast, i am at the peak of being able to continue my work as a writer in order to fully reveal my identity to the world.

  i learned today, through wikipedia, that there are only about 10 accepted subects of extra sensory perception (ESP). tomorrow my younger brother, eric, is going to help me to speak with the military in order for them to help me to better understand exactly who i am and of what i am capable. this isnt to say that i will be accepted for deployment or anything that would lead directly to it, it just means that i am taking the necessary step to find the assistance i so desperately crave. life is difficult enough when one has been carrying a secret about themselves they never even knew about, so there isnt any purpose in attempting to carry on any further without asking for help.

  to any one who is reading this right now, i ask that you contact me directly via facebook because i am without my cell phone at the moment. i have an idea of where they may be, but i'm not 100% certain. if any one knows or has heard any thing about them, you can feel free to come by my address or you can simply mail these belongings to me, if it makes the process of returning them easier for you. i know how hard it can be to approach some one for whom you care deeply, which is why i have taken the liberty of writing these thoughts openly in a forum where only interested parties can access my thoughts.

  again, i have never attempted to hide my self from the world, it was only until about a couple of days ago that i was finally able to put all of my thoughts together. there is a direct correlation between how calm i remain and how much positivity i receive, as well as those whom i care for deeply, which is every one of you: people.

  words have always come easily to me because i see the beauty every one possesses, but because i am also aware that we all have issues, i sometimes become anxious when meeting new friends or old friends again. anxiousness is just another word for stress, and it is documented that stress comes in both good and bad forms, so i have resolved to trying to focus solely on the good stress in order to wean myself from unnecessary medicines until i have been properly diagnosed for the one that is right for me.

  for now, i will stop writing, but from henceforth the purpose of this blog has been stated and i will attempt to deliver the goods, as they say, every time out. if it can be said that the purpose of life is to find a way to be paid to do what you love, then it can follow that what i love the most is putting smiles on the faces of every one around me. for this, i thank every one who has ever made me laugh. even in moments of levity we are able to find the humor in life, because we simply have to remember to laugh at our selves when others feel we are being too serious.

warmly,

edwin