yes, folks, i know, this is my second consecutive post on the subject, but i know you're still thinking about it.
let's call it what it is: fun. when i think about the times i've had a sexual encounter with someone what usually sticks out to me, aside from the gushy stuff, are the conversations i had with said women to get us to that point. perhaps this makes me different, but i honestly mean it every time i tell women that for me sex starts during our conversation. i consider it foreplay to be able to speak sweet somethings into a womans ear, especially when we meet on mutual terms and understand that what happens afterwards is completely consensual. at every point i want to make sure that my soon-to-be partner feels comfortable with me so that when we finally disappear into a private space we will both be equally anxious to reach our respective climaxes.
as everyone has probably experienced at some point, this isnt always the case. for different reasons people have a difficult time channeling their sexual energies in ways that appear as being less than desperate. i know that it wasnt until recently that i truly began to understand my personal sexual powers and how to use them, so i dont fault anyone for not knowing just how to behave when their sexual side decides it wants to rear it's beautiful head (he he he, you decide if the pun was intentional). however, i do feel that it is always important that we feel comfortable being able to discuss our sexual sides with others we will invariably find to be attractive. there are few things worse than a sexual letdown, especially because in my opinion they can be avoided.
working with limited experience, i can attest to the fact the sexual climate in our country has changed and people are walking around with more sexual awareness than ever before. people are beginning to open up in social environments in unprecedented ways and this only adds to the proverbial heat in the kitchen, raising the temperature so that everyone feels included regardless of their sexual preference. where once my inner child felt out of place because i am unapolagetic with regards to my approach when discussing sex, now i am quickly beginning to realize that i am the only one keeping myself from becoming as comfortable with my sexuality as i feel i would like to be. while i have always strived to be careful with women so as not to hurt their emotions, i have learned that i dont have to worry about this because i am naturally gentle and women tell me that it is a nice change of pace. at the same time, one cant help but to want to be polite when accepting entry into a sacred temple.
it's strange, because women have always understood the joys and pleasures of sex, but i honestly feel like i'm learning how to be myself all over again. the world turns and it seems like i lose track of the social progress we have made as a society. for a man who feels like a child at heart, and who is beginning to come into his own it is weird to analyze my behavior during the past decade in order to pinpoint when exactly things finally changed in the world. i think it is more a factor of random variables falling into place, with the paramount variable being my comfort level within my own life.
countless people can share stories of random nights when spontaneity reigned supreme and a kick-ass time was had, but for me all of it seems like an alternate universe within my ever expanding crazy world. i know that i've always had a nose for the unexpected, or at least it would seem this way, but upon hindsight analisys, i realize that it all comes down to me simply making myself available to a good time.
example: as of this writing it is 7:45pm on Friday, March 5, 2010, but i am not even considering going out tonight. sure, my financial aid money would cover most expenditures i might incur this evening, but i must confess that i've always been a spendthrift; a humble servant of the frugal nature my mother taught me as a child. so far this year i feel like i've done a respectable job of spending my money, though i will admit i have room for improvement.
so where will i be tonight instead of at a random watering hole trying my luck with the ladies? i'm going to spend time with my younger cousin and our mutual friend hanging out at the berkeley marina. no frills, just thrills. i've always preferred to keep a low profile, mostly because i believe in my ability to engage and entertain others. i feel like i can allow for my naturally bright and charming personality to speak for me without creating distractions which would misrepresent me. i also know that my personal sense of style does enough to open up the doors necessary for me to have a good time. in short, if you dress and act the part, you are almost assured of getting a callback. while it invariably depends on the woman to decide for herself if i am worthy of her time, i can honestly say i am not a slave to the pursuit.
one final point: i think it's a disrespect to the relationships between us to refer to it as "game", "having game", etc. the reason i say this is because in my mind none of this is a game, i would characterize it as being a negotiation. i advise men and women equally on the art of promiscuity by telling them that it will all ultimately come down to disclosure. in order to feel comfortable with someone sexually, the first thing i advise people is to be honest with their intentions BEFORE initiating things. there is nothing wrong with rejection, and i'd rather be shot down because a women wants something different than i, than to have to deal with the awkwardness post-coitus. that is simply an unacceptable time to find out that my partner wants to have my children someday.
then again, i always come back to the point that i am a child at heart possessed in a man's body. i keep things simple, which is why i've been able to enjoy certain benefits with women, and i dont ever plan on changing that.
FULL DISCLOSURE: i dont believe in monogamous relationships, and i dont plan to ever return to them. i would like to meet a woman in my life that both understands and respects this way of thinking. i have some as friends and this helps me to continue to feel reassured about my supposedly high demands. i mean, when it comes to your personal happiness, wouldnt you aspire to your wildest dreams? this is why i am in the active process of obtaining my degree and why i plan to begin pursuing some of my other dreams. when i get older i want to be able to say that i gave myself an honest chance at being happy in life on my terms. i know all too well of the dangers of blindly buying into traditional standards, especially when one feels reluctant about accepting such time honored shackles. at the end of the day, i would prefer my partner be sexually open with others who respect her, than for her to feel desperate for attention because i'm not around enough, or otherwise. plenty of housewives can share horror stories of husbands who lie to them constantly and keep them in the dark about their personal lives. this is not the type of environment in which i would like to raise future children.
we'll leave this subject for now, the bell has rung and this doggy must submit to pavlov...
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