loving lethargic days...

*sigh*

  gotta love the fact i am no longer in the hospital, but the wait leading up to my scheduled appointments tomorrow with my therapist (11am) and psychiatrist (2pm) has not been an easy one. anxiety plagues me because it's normal for one to feel it when there's a build-up brewing. it's not for nothing that i'm looking forward to tomorrow's meetings. i can potentially begin plans to move out of my parents house depending on how tomorrow's meetings go. i know they want to help me to get some government assistance at the moment, and a friend told me i can possibly sign-up for a housing voucher, which will help me to move back out on my own.

  we'll just have to remain patient, i suppose, but it hasnt been easy and i dont expect it to be, either. i almost sound ungrateful complaining, but maybe i'm just learning to cope with my situation a little better. after all, what am i supposed to be able to expect in my present situation? i shouldnt set my expectations too high, is all i know to expect.

  *growl*

  i thought writing might provide me with some sense of accomplishment but i'm too scatterbrained at the moment to appreciate my writing. it's super frustrating to have such a brain, but in today's case, i did it to myself. *sigh* a little tired. ha ha ha.

  damn this, i'm going to cut this short and basically sign off by saying i'm a self-absorbed moron at the moment. that's just me being hard on my self, but i mean that i wouldnt be in my present situation if i'd only practiced being more responsible with my free time. now i have to fix everything the hard way.

  hey, at least i'm happy to report that my car has license plates again, and i'm just waiting for my driver's license to arrive in the mail. i'm supposed to be able to expect some good news tomorrow with regards to money, so perhaps it wont be too long before my cell phone gets back on, and i can finally afford some insurance to get my whip (car) back on the road. it's just super frustrating that i feel like these are things my family could be helping me with at the moment, but they simply refuse to be of any assistance. *shakes head* again, it's frustrating to write about without feeling like i'll be perceived as ungrateful, but believe me that it is for a reason that i do not expound on the subject.

  i long for the days when i'll be happier, when i'll hopefully be preparing for a night out on the town attempting to do stand-up while mingling with other fellow comics. oh wait, i have that opportunity this friday but do not have a means of transportation to go into The City. foiled again by my own negligence. i'll have to explain to my friends that i cant make it even though i really want to be there. i know they'll understand.

  in any case, i think this post is long enough, has discussed very little, and will probably go down as another simple update for others to (briefly) enjoy. no excitement today, folks. just a day spent half-baked and tired, trying to make the hours go by while catching up on programs i'd recorded. then napped for what seemed like the better part of my day.

  this whole ESP/psychic thing is taking a toll on me, too. i just wish i had more concrete answers, but i have to pursue every thing with a blind eye guiding me, which makes the entire endeavor super annoying. what am i possibly overlooing? why does it feel like my entire existence hangs in the balance? and how come my family treats me the way they do? AAAAAAAARGH!!!

  some days it pays to feel like charlie brown ("good grief"). thank you, charles schultz, for such a timeless strip, known simply as "Peanuts". i think it's good to end on this note, giving credit to a great creator who happened to originate in the san francisco bay area. i dream of living with such a greater purpose, but i'll settle for a humble beginning as a pot-grower for the federal government.



  i watched this highly informative film called "The Union: The Business Behind Getting High" and it really helped me to understand a lot of things about marijuana on which i was ignorant. basically, hemp and marijuana should be legal and people should get better information as to their respective differences and why hemp is probably the most important crop any farmer could grow. in these troubling times with the question of bio-fuels and the profits from big pharmaceutical companies, it is important to ask the hard-hitting questions about why money circulates the way it does in this country.

  it's not for nothing that i am somewhat enjoying my break from being a productive member of the task force. why should i bother my self with looking for an unsatisfactory 9-5 when i can get paid to grow weed for the government? the answer is not as mind-boggling as you would think. in fact, the truth is that it pays, and i learned that in life you must always do with your time what makes the most dollars and sense. sure i'll gladly work a job while i get my self back on my feet, but let's not forget the overall goal of happiness in this equation.

  i'm pretty happy smoking pot and being an advocate for it, but i'd be happeist pursuing my dream of being a stand-up comic. this is going to require time, patience, and effort which i possess, but which i'm presently without assistance in channeling. oh wait, i should stop talking about all of this because i think i'm repeating my self again. nevermind.

  i think i'll tuck in early tonight. tomorrow contains enough excitement to inspire me to awaken early. it should be fun asking questions and getting answers, especially since i have so many questions. oh well, i guess time is my friend after all...

edwin