had a job interview today and was given a second interview, which will take up all of my thursday, and then i hope to move on to the third and final interview session. folks, wish me luck so that i may be granted said job. it's a promotional gig working for a large local sports and entertainment marketing company. somehow i stumbled upon their listing on craigslist and they contacted me about the aforementioned interview. i think someone "up there" really likes me, ha ha ha.
that being said, i have some things to share...
* school started and my pre-calculus (trigonometry) class is already kicking my butt. or rather, chapter 1, with the inequalities and algebraic equations, is kicking my butt. i have to study them more to regain the aptitude which i demonstrated many moons ago. somehow, i am not surprised by my lack of a grasp on this subject matter. i feel like i lost some of my brain throughout this year's crazy ride, i was bound to lose something of significant value which i knew would be very difficult to replace. alas, we must not give up before a real effort has been attempted.
* maybe it's the fact that it's been so long since i shared myself so intimately with someone, maybe i just need to get laid, or maybe the feeling that has been gnawing at me for the past couple of weeks is real: i think i'm ready to find a girlfriend again. not that i'm in any rush, but i am certainly open to the idea. and why not? a man of humble means can be an excellent lover! money doesnt drive a man to explore a woman's body like she has never been explored before. money doesnt give a man the passion and desire necessary to fuel his desire. money can be used as a tool to reward a man to improve upon his behavior, but money alone does not make the man. so why do i have such a hangup about putting myself out there when everything around me is less-than-perfect? it probably has something to do with the fact that i'm a broke college student, ha ha ha. however, i know better than to let that stop me, but somehow it continues to paralyze me.
i overanalyze these sorts of things all of the time. i know i'm fine just the way i am, but i want people to see that i am actively taking strides to improve upon the mediocre man i consider myself to be. mediocrity was never my ambition, and as recently as 5 months ago i was feeling the way i desire to feel right now: in tune, in shape, and out of control. well, not so much with the out of control, but you get what i'm saying; i was feeling like "my self". it's a feeling i continue to strive to reach. sooner or later my body will become entirely acquainted with this medication and i'll go back to feeling like my old self again. at least, i continue to hope that i do. maybe then my irrational fears will disappear and i'll go back to being the smooth-talking straight-shooter that i consider to be "me". in the meantime, i have to focus on mastering the first chapter in my pre-calculus book, ha ha ha. being a nice guy only goes a certain length...
* i guess that's all i really have to report at the moment. i'm back to catching my self getting lost in certain moments, so i know that i'm close to regaining what i feel i have lost this year. it's just a matter of time. and time is a constant which we can all count on, because no one controls it and we are all subject to it. yes, my friends, i can feel my self slowly returning to my old self, and when that is finally complete i firmly believe my enjoyment will go skyrocketing. this time i will not let things get over my head, i will be more patient, and i will do my due diligence by remaining calm. i have had a strange trip so far this year, but that doesnt mean that we cant improve upon the way things ended up, which was badly. in any case, thanks for reading...
edwin
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