|\... wow, it's been WAY TO LONG since i last wrote a blog i damn near forgot how to write one according to the format i'd created along the way.
* below is the photo of my beloved penguin tattoo one week after i got it inked on my arm. it represents a lot of pain and anguish i felt over the loss of my beloved unborn son in the miscarriage almost 10 years ago.
my how time has changed.
i'm such an adult now it's quite embarrassing. my habits have changed tremendously and i'm quite proud over the way i've developed in the past decade, i must say the years have been good to me, with the bipolar bullshit being an exception to everything.
* in a way, if it hadnt been for the bipolar bullshit i've been through, and which now governs my life, i dont think i would've ever found the peace and serenity i presently have in my life.
i smoke more cannabis now than i ever did in the past and my simple budget allows for me to have all the fun i desire. if i can learn to practice a little more restraint, i'll be in an even better situation in order to control the random panic attacks which have been bothering me the past couple of months. there is no rhyme of reason as to why they kick in and i dont think i'll ever figure out exactly why they happen, but i at least have an idea of what certain triggers affect me.
needless to say, i'm going to have to endure at least one more heavy panic attack before things are going to be 100%. it's just the name of the game. either way, i'm going to find a way, and i have the necessary support system in order to succeed.
* i'm going to el salvador in 10 days and i'm happy that i feel more in control of my self now than ever before. like i said, if it wasnt for the bipolar bullshit i've endured, none of the wonderful things happening to me right now would never have happened. god bless me for being so fortunate to have such a supportive family.
things might not be 100%, but i can report that they're pretty damned close. i think that my mom has suffered enough with having to endure seeing me locked up in hospital after hospital that she realized that she was partially to blame. my mom is such a proud woman that i think she figured out she had to be a little more humble whenever she deals with me.
see, i'm a VERY simple man. so simple that people often mistake my simplicity for stupidity, until they start talking to me and realize that i'm underselling my self. that's always been me, undersell your self all the way in order to provide better bang for your buck. nobody wants to be upsold, i've been in the business too long. you cant brainwash people to believe you're something better than you really are. your quality of person will demonstrate to anybody dealing with you whether or not you're talking to. thus, i'm constantly being misunderstood, but i dont mind, it's become a natural thing for me to have to explain my self and my intentions, which are always honest.
* things are progressing nicely with flor in el salvador. i had to put her on time out for quite some time in order to show her that i mean business, damn it! i'm not one to be romanced from afar with empty promises and flowery words. i prefer actions to words, and i prefer honesty above all else. sure, she would gain more from me spending more time with her, but i'm not above working for a blow-job, ha ha ha. i want to have a good time and i want to give women a chance who demonstrate to me that they are worth my time. it's not complicated, women, men have a pretty good idea as to who is in control and why.
not to say that men are the end all of the world, but we kind of run shit, so we have that working for us, ha ha ha.
* i think i've written enough for my first post in quite some time. i cant believe i have nearly 3000 pageviews...
* below is the photo of my beloved penguin tattoo one week after i got it inked on my arm. it represents a lot of pain and anguish i felt over the loss of my beloved unborn son in the miscarriage almost 10 years ago.
my how time has changed.
i'm such an adult now it's quite embarrassing. my habits have changed tremendously and i'm quite proud over the way i've developed in the past decade, i must say the years have been good to me, with the bipolar bullshit being an exception to everything.
* in a way, if it hadnt been for the bipolar bullshit i've been through, and which now governs my life, i dont think i would've ever found the peace and serenity i presently have in my life.
i smoke more cannabis now than i ever did in the past and my simple budget allows for me to have all the fun i desire. if i can learn to practice a little more restraint, i'll be in an even better situation in order to control the random panic attacks which have been bothering me the past couple of months. there is no rhyme of reason as to why they kick in and i dont think i'll ever figure out exactly why they happen, but i at least have an idea of what certain triggers affect me.
needless to say, i'm going to have to endure at least one more heavy panic attack before things are going to be 100%. it's just the name of the game. either way, i'm going to find a way, and i have the necessary support system in order to succeed.
* i'm going to el salvador in 10 days and i'm happy that i feel more in control of my self now than ever before. like i said, if it wasnt for the bipolar bullshit i've endured, none of the wonderful things happening to me right now would never have happened. god bless me for being so fortunate to have such a supportive family.
things might not be 100%, but i can report that they're pretty damned close. i think that my mom has suffered enough with having to endure seeing me locked up in hospital after hospital that she realized that she was partially to blame. my mom is such a proud woman that i think she figured out she had to be a little more humble whenever she deals with me.
see, i'm a VERY simple man. so simple that people often mistake my simplicity for stupidity, until they start talking to me and realize that i'm underselling my self. that's always been me, undersell your self all the way in order to provide better bang for your buck. nobody wants to be upsold, i've been in the business too long. you cant brainwash people to believe you're something better than you really are. your quality of person will demonstrate to anybody dealing with you whether or not you're talking to. thus, i'm constantly being misunderstood, but i dont mind, it's become a natural thing for me to have to explain my self and my intentions, which are always honest.
* things are progressing nicely with flor in el salvador. i had to put her on time out for quite some time in order to show her that i mean business, damn it! i'm not one to be romanced from afar with empty promises and flowery words. i prefer actions to words, and i prefer honesty above all else. sure, she would gain more from me spending more time with her, but i'm not above working for a blow-job, ha ha ha. i want to have a good time and i want to give women a chance who demonstrate to me that they are worth my time. it's not complicated, women, men have a pretty good idea as to who is in control and why.
not to say that men are the end all of the world, but we kind of run shit, so we have that working for us, ha ha ha.
* i think i've written enough for my first post in quite some time. i cant believe i have nearly 3000 pageviews...
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