* for those who dont know, i recently got discharged from john george psychiatric pavilion at alameda county medical center. this is my second full day out in the "real" world and i've been taking it as slow as a three-toed sloth, which is to say, i've been greatly enjoying my self.
my brother, raf, and my mom came to visit me consistently enough for me to believe that they love me more than i understood prior to my hospitalization. long story short: i was acting funny in berkeley late friday night/early saturday morning and the cops decided to pick me up and then sent me to said psychiatric hospital after my own mother refused to take me home. it is very understandable that i was quite upset by my mothers decision, but after having time to ruminate i realized that it was indeed for the better in the long run. i even missed my 10-year high school reunion, which i had highly anticipated to attend, but it was not meant to be. as raf later explained to me: i could always have my own reunion if people truly wanted to see me. hard to argue with his logic, which made complete sense at the time and continues to hold up to critical scrutiny.
the worst part is that i spent 20 days in the hospital, but the best part is that i took the time to understand how the lithium was affecting my body. see, i knew going in that the doctors wanted to put me on lithium, because they did the same thing to me when i was held at UCSF last year. fortunately, i've matured a lot since that time, because there's no other way to explain that i actually LIKE taking lithium. or as doctor tomasini put it: a lot of FAMOUS people take lithium. i couldnt help but laugh every time he said it. it's like he's trying to tell me something i already have full belief in: i am ALREADY famous. at least, that's how i see things from where i'm sitting, thank you very much. i cant thank the doctor and my patient social worker enough for actually giving a crap about me, in spite of my initial perception of them.
* as a nice aside, during my hospital visit i managed to accrue a good deal of haters whilst in the hospital. imagine that?! i couldnt believe it either until one of the most gorgeous nurses ever, amanda, explained to me how the haters were trying to affect me. and she was right! as soon as i took her advice into account, it was like those same haters wanted to love me and be my friends. strange how that works, but i can attest to knowing how to turn haters into fans. it's really much easier than you think, but i dont want to give away any trade secrets, ha ha ha.
that got me to thinking about how many potential haters i have in the "real" world. and then i stopped thinking about it, because it didnt seem to matter anymore. who cares how many haters i have, all that matters is that i am capable of being polarizing, which is useful in the tabloid industry, ha ha ha. it had never been made clear to me, as was recently done, that i have the ability to affect people in such a sublime way. i liken my self to an offensive side-show at a boardwalk, which people sweat over having to decide whether or not to attend. or as my "brother" luigi told me: you definitely know how to grab and keep people's attention. i was so proud of my self the day he told me that. strange, but it's always been the case with me. it just reminds me of why i use the nickname of "el diablo" above all others. i know i'm a devilish philosopher, but to have it confirmed and to feel vindicated as a result are two different things. at least, now i know that i AM worthy of an audience and i will seek to find the biggest one possible.
* lastly, i want to take the time to thank all of you who have consistently read this blog for your love and support. i kept thinking about how many people care about me after my family made me realize that remaining in the hospital wasnt such a bad idea. i came to appreciate my time being hospitalized as something that was necessary, regardless of it's duration. i can only hope to live up to my own lofty expectations going into the future. i'm glad to be able to say that i have fans that outweigh any number of haters i might've amassed until now...
edwin
my brother, raf, and my mom came to visit me consistently enough for me to believe that they love me more than i understood prior to my hospitalization. long story short: i was acting funny in berkeley late friday night/early saturday morning and the cops decided to pick me up and then sent me to said psychiatric hospital after my own mother refused to take me home. it is very understandable that i was quite upset by my mothers decision, but after having time to ruminate i realized that it was indeed for the better in the long run. i even missed my 10-year high school reunion, which i had highly anticipated to attend, but it was not meant to be. as raf later explained to me: i could always have my own reunion if people truly wanted to see me. hard to argue with his logic, which made complete sense at the time and continues to hold up to critical scrutiny.
the worst part is that i spent 20 days in the hospital, but the best part is that i took the time to understand how the lithium was affecting my body. see, i knew going in that the doctors wanted to put me on lithium, because they did the same thing to me when i was held at UCSF last year. fortunately, i've matured a lot since that time, because there's no other way to explain that i actually LIKE taking lithium. or as doctor tomasini put it: a lot of FAMOUS people take lithium. i couldnt help but laugh every time he said it. it's like he's trying to tell me something i already have full belief in: i am ALREADY famous. at least, that's how i see things from where i'm sitting, thank you very much. i cant thank the doctor and my patient social worker enough for actually giving a crap about me, in spite of my initial perception of them.
* as a nice aside, during my hospital visit i managed to accrue a good deal of haters whilst in the hospital. imagine that?! i couldnt believe it either until one of the most gorgeous nurses ever, amanda, explained to me how the haters were trying to affect me. and she was right! as soon as i took her advice into account, it was like those same haters wanted to love me and be my friends. strange how that works, but i can attest to knowing how to turn haters into fans. it's really much easier than you think, but i dont want to give away any trade secrets, ha ha ha.
that got me to thinking about how many potential haters i have in the "real" world. and then i stopped thinking about it, because it didnt seem to matter anymore. who cares how many haters i have, all that matters is that i am capable of being polarizing, which is useful in the tabloid industry, ha ha ha. it had never been made clear to me, as was recently done, that i have the ability to affect people in such a sublime way. i liken my self to an offensive side-show at a boardwalk, which people sweat over having to decide whether or not to attend. or as my "brother" luigi told me: you definitely know how to grab and keep people's attention. i was so proud of my self the day he told me that. strange, but it's always been the case with me. it just reminds me of why i use the nickname of "el diablo" above all others. i know i'm a devilish philosopher, but to have it confirmed and to feel vindicated as a result are two different things. at least, now i know that i AM worthy of an audience and i will seek to find the biggest one possible.
* lastly, i want to take the time to thank all of you who have consistently read this blog for your love and support. i kept thinking about how many people care about me after my family made me realize that remaining in the hospital wasnt such a bad idea. i came to appreciate my time being hospitalized as something that was necessary, regardless of it's duration. i can only hope to live up to my own lofty expectations going into the future. i'm glad to be able to say that i have fans that outweigh any number of haters i might've amassed until now...
edwin
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