* as mentioned before in this space, i have been to "the edge" and i have flown over it; free fallen through a black hole in order to splatter in reality only to rebound from it all. in other words, i'm relishing the role of "lunatic" that i've taken up as my own. i read the wikipedia article relating to it and the latest theory applies to how the moon affects people with bipolar disorder. (for the uninitiated, i have bipolar, deal with it.) they claim that it makes us crazier, to sum it up. of course, i laughed, because it only further proves that science cannot explain the human condition.
* i had an experience tonight which served to really piss me off. i went off inside of my friend's prius (nice dichotomy) on a rant that fully explained to me that i need to step up for my self next week when i see my psychiatrist. i'm going to tell her that i know my legal rights and will ask to be permanently removed from having to take prescription drugs. i'm of sound mind and body to make this decision, and it i've spent a lot of time thinking about it. i've done everything i can to prove to my self that while the medication helps, my preferred medicine is marijuana. granted, i'm now proving that i can live without it, but this is a matter of preference, read the previous sentence again. i will no longer submit to being a lab rat in their pharmaceutical experiment. i refuse to submit to their rules. from now on, I am in control of my life.
* spent a GREAT day thursday with my nigga justin. he helped me to feel "normal" for an entire day. picked me up from my brother's house and we drove into the city and had lunch at park chow near golden gate park. it was delicious as i had a lamb burger with mint on it. words cant put it into perspective. we kept up our great conversation about my life the past couple of years throughout the day and he helped me to see a lot of things i had managed to overlook.
in short, it pays to have friends like him. with him, he gets me without explanation. that's something i can say about VERY few people. i'm constantly having to dumb down or adapt to an audience which isnt on my level. i'm not afraid to admit that i look down on people for refusing to challenge themselves intellectually. we have no excuse for being "stupid". and this is coming from someone who mostly watches sports on tv. i research a lot of things, but i'm not "smart" in a conventional sense. i've learned to reduce everything (reductionist theory) to it's root in order to see the forest through the trees. for this i have become labeled as having bipolar. science will never be able to fully prove the complicated nature of the "human condition".
i'm looking forward to making it a more routine thing to hang out with justin, because hanging out with him i came up with a ten-year plan for how i will become the first latino mayor in san francisco. it's going to be a challenge, but i have nothing else better to do. i think social networking will have advanced to the point that politicians will learn to fear the common person. thank you, mr zuckerberg for bringing the "playground" to the masses. now we get to REALLY see who is the coolest kid on the block. i'll let everybody do their rounds before they decide that when they met me was the realest experience they ever had. i'm like the hardest pokemon to capture, ha ha ha.
* i really should be trying to go to sleep after the admittedly shitty night i had arguing with my cousin yuri. he was an asshole who hijacked my night in and then he had the nerve to "kick me out" of his house. he was being drunk and an even bigger asshole. needless to say, i will NOT be showing up to his barbecue tomorrow. i'm going to go to my mom's house tomorrow and just relax and use the internet for a little while. i dont exactly feel "at home" there anymore, but maybe that's for the better.
the place was never my home and i was a fool for pretending that it ever was. the truth is, i have no home. home is where my heart is and my heart is in san francisco. i want my own spot in the city to call my own, no matter how long it takes me. i want it to be centrally located so that i can stumble home on the nights when i dont feel like driving. i deserve to have the life i can imagine, and i dont care what i need to do to earn it.
i believe that stand-up comedy will help me lead that life, but i've got to organize my shit enough to be able to do it. i've got to quit being afraid and start doing stand-up at all open-mics. learn to live the dream within the dream. if i so believe that i am the realest nigga on the block, it's about time i went out and proved it. i think i can learn the rules fast enough to find the way to beat them at their own game. people are constantly entering and making progress in the entertainment industry, why not me? i've got a unique story to offer that would sell papers AND magazines. i could have a one hour special with oprah that would help her enter the latino market. why am i not thinking on better terms? ugh, being a genius comes with certain consequences, but i'm willing to see this through. i was born to be in front of the camera, because i'm constantly entertaining.
* time for sleep. i suffer from delusions of grandeur, but that's what they tell you until you go out and prove you were right all along. your vision must be strong enough to repel ALL doubters, otherwise known as haters, ha ha ha.
ah, yes, life will be so much better when i'm reading these blogs back in my space in san francisco. i believe i will have all the money i will ever need to be happy, and it wont take much...
edwin
* i had an experience tonight which served to really piss me off. i went off inside of my friend's prius (nice dichotomy) on a rant that fully explained to me that i need to step up for my self next week when i see my psychiatrist. i'm going to tell her that i know my legal rights and will ask to be permanently removed from having to take prescription drugs. i'm of sound mind and body to make this decision, and it i've spent a lot of time thinking about it. i've done everything i can to prove to my self that while the medication helps, my preferred medicine is marijuana. granted, i'm now proving that i can live without it, but this is a matter of preference, read the previous sentence again. i will no longer submit to being a lab rat in their pharmaceutical experiment. i refuse to submit to their rules. from now on, I am in control of my life.
* spent a GREAT day thursday with my nigga justin. he helped me to feel "normal" for an entire day. picked me up from my brother's house and we drove into the city and had lunch at park chow near golden gate park. it was delicious as i had a lamb burger with mint on it. words cant put it into perspective. we kept up our great conversation about my life the past couple of years throughout the day and he helped me to see a lot of things i had managed to overlook.
in short, it pays to have friends like him. with him, he gets me without explanation. that's something i can say about VERY few people. i'm constantly having to dumb down or adapt to an audience which isnt on my level. i'm not afraid to admit that i look down on people for refusing to challenge themselves intellectually. we have no excuse for being "stupid". and this is coming from someone who mostly watches sports on tv. i research a lot of things, but i'm not "smart" in a conventional sense. i've learned to reduce everything (reductionist theory) to it's root in order to see the forest through the trees. for this i have become labeled as having bipolar. science will never be able to fully prove the complicated nature of the "human condition".
i'm looking forward to making it a more routine thing to hang out with justin, because hanging out with him i came up with a ten-year plan for how i will become the first latino mayor in san francisco. it's going to be a challenge, but i have nothing else better to do. i think social networking will have advanced to the point that politicians will learn to fear the common person. thank you, mr zuckerberg for bringing the "playground" to the masses. now we get to REALLY see who is the coolest kid on the block. i'll let everybody do their rounds before they decide that when they met me was the realest experience they ever had. i'm like the hardest pokemon to capture, ha ha ha.
* i really should be trying to go to sleep after the admittedly shitty night i had arguing with my cousin yuri. he was an asshole who hijacked my night in and then he had the nerve to "kick me out" of his house. he was being drunk and an even bigger asshole. needless to say, i will NOT be showing up to his barbecue tomorrow. i'm going to go to my mom's house tomorrow and just relax and use the internet for a little while. i dont exactly feel "at home" there anymore, but maybe that's for the better.
the place was never my home and i was a fool for pretending that it ever was. the truth is, i have no home. home is where my heart is and my heart is in san francisco. i want my own spot in the city to call my own, no matter how long it takes me. i want it to be centrally located so that i can stumble home on the nights when i dont feel like driving. i deserve to have the life i can imagine, and i dont care what i need to do to earn it.
i believe that stand-up comedy will help me lead that life, but i've got to organize my shit enough to be able to do it. i've got to quit being afraid and start doing stand-up at all open-mics. learn to live the dream within the dream. if i so believe that i am the realest nigga on the block, it's about time i went out and proved it. i think i can learn the rules fast enough to find the way to beat them at their own game. people are constantly entering and making progress in the entertainment industry, why not me? i've got a unique story to offer that would sell papers AND magazines. i could have a one hour special with oprah that would help her enter the latino market. why am i not thinking on better terms? ugh, being a genius comes with certain consequences, but i'm willing to see this through. i was born to be in front of the camera, because i'm constantly entertaining.
* time for sleep. i suffer from delusions of grandeur, but that's what they tell you until you go out and prove you were right all along. your vision must be strong enough to repel ALL doubters, otherwise known as haters, ha ha ha.
ah, yes, life will be so much better when i'm reading these blogs back in my space in san francisco. i believe i will have all the money i will ever need to be happy, and it wont take much...
edwin
Here have a pity comment...are you autistic or just a boring half-wit?
ReplyDeletei am neither and hiding behind an anonymous name only proves you're a coward...
ReplyDelete