this song is very appropriate because he's talking about how sprung he is on a bitch who wont give him the time of day. i know EXACTLY how he feels. ever since that historic night, nearly 30 years ago, i havent been able to get the temptress known as "scarlett johansson" out of my head. how she got in, or why i cant get rid of her no longer matter to me, all i know is that i'm destined to a life of misery because i'm too stupid to realize she is just a stupid fantasy.
i've TRIED explaining it to my self, countlessly poring over the smallest details, but no matter how i try i can't shake the inevitable question: if i'm right about what happened, and can therefore assume that i am right in expecting something else to "finish" happening, then WHAT IS TAKING SO GODDAMNED LONG?!?! ha ha ha, yeah, i end up having to laugh because it simply is about patience now, and i've always professed to have the "patience of a saint". i guess now we're REALLY putting me to the test. we'll see.
* in unrelated news, i'm doing MUCH better. i spoke with my therapist on friday and she said that i dont have to take my medication anymore and i dont have to see her anymore either. that's what is commonly referred to as a "win-win", and all because i had the moxie to stand up for my self, who woulda thought.
this gives me hope that they'll report back to whomever is in-charge and they'll put out the word that i'm "well-adjusted" and ready to have things "explained" to me, but we'll see. i know i havent been as descriptive with the full details of the crazy nights i've endured, but BELIEVE me when i say "SOMETHING is happening". i cant tell you what it is, but i know that it's real, and that's good enough for me.
to celebrate, i've been downloading different movies featuring the beautiful ms. johansson, because as i figure, "if she's stuck in my head, she probably wants to watch herself in her best roles to date", ha ha ha. that, and it's nice to see the progression of a young beauty into a full-grown mature woman.
for example, i watched "lost in translation" again yesterday, and while the movie itself STILL didnt feel like a "classic"to me, i could understand what all of the hype and hoopla was about. i enjoyed the fact that a barely-legal ms johansson was matching acting chops with an underrated actor such as bill murray. i respected them for not turning it into some hottt old man/young girl soft core porn, even though we were ALL rooting for it. in short, the movie perfectly represented the lack of thought people put into cheating on their spouses. in real life, you dont think about it. you pounce on the opportunity like a horny repressed teenager. in the movies, i guess you bullshit for days on end telling your self you'll feel better about the encounter if you DONT consummate it. thankfully, i've never had this problem. for better and for worse, i've always allowed my penis to have a mind of it's own, seldomly turning down spontaneous sexual encounters. what can i say? i'm a super freak and i love sharing that with the select few.
* i'm just counting down the days 'til May 2, which is when they decide on my SSI case. if all goes well, i'll have thousands of dollars at my disposal $950/month at a time. i've already made plans to take care of some outstanding accounts and then i'm going to invest most of the rest. i want to take this comedy thing seriously, if i'm ever going to bridge the gap in order to tell ms johansson to her face how TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY in love i am with her. i figure, if i do my part to raise my national profile (i'm already a local legend in SF) it should be much easier for her to build the facade that she liked my comedy and wanted to see what i was all about. in my head, this is going to happen one way or another. in reality, i'm just a dork suffering from delusions of grandeur, trying to find a rationalization for the events of the past 30 months. no matter how you read it, just know that i'm COMPLETELY with either explanation. simply put, i'm beyond caring for the negative opinions of others. i'm "legally insane" and perfectly happy about it...
* that's all for now, come back later, and thanks for reading!!!
